last email that made me smile..

From: Kate

Hi~
I love 2010 and I think this year was very important,nice and meaningful.
Because this year was first time to enter Highschool and I met many good friends.
But..... next year, I must study hard for my future. I can do it~ I will enter very very nice University to become a nurse.
I like this year because I could send letter to you.(E-mail and Air mail)
I love this situation. That is, I had very nice friend like you!
So this year will remain in my heart♡
Happy new year~

grateful

the year's ending and I'm excited. I don't have much emotional baggage to leave with 2010 behind, but I need to make a lot of changes that will help me grow as a person. There are people who will never be the same again, some I won't see again. But, there will be lotsa friends and adventures waiting ahead. And the great old ones will always be there!

There's a lot of things going around my head. I need to do a lot of things. Yihee! my planner is all ready, and I'm excited to mess with it.

Next year is my year, so I need to make it special. I'm 24. What will 2011 be like? but before I leave the year behind, I'm reminding myself about the things that I'm grateful of.

You're all in my mind, don't worry. :)

disappointments

One of my disappointments with this blog, aside from the fact that I can't get a decent background (but, I'm quite okay with my latest choice. A whole lot cleaner than before), is that I can't come up with longer and more meaningful posts.

I want to really write about my new home, which is not actually new.

A Korean friend

and one of my family members

hope I could do this in the near, near future..  :')

*my other disappointment is that I can't mention one coherent thought and keep on stating side comments in parentheses.

simple things are beautiful

before the year ends let me remind myself of the simple, beautiful things that made me happy:

writing snail mails.

receiving snail mails.

cold water.

breezy afternoon.

chatting with a long lost friend.

watching free movies.

reading children's book

being early at work.

trying to speak another language

day dreams

good (night) dreams

taking good pictures

dyeing my mom's hair

writing a birthday card

going to a happy worship

eating with (a) loved one(s)

accepting your weaknesses, while working on it

biking under the hot summer sun

having enough money during the weekend.

public transportation

eating cheap ice cream.

arriving on a sound decision

listening to your favorite song

overhearing a favorite song while walking

seeing someone you like chewing a bubblegum while on the bus stop

walking around (walkathon)

sleeping early and waking up early ( hope I could do this more often)

frutti cake

Christmas is coming…

What’s your favorite Christmas song?

Mine would be Christmas in our Hearts by Jose Mari Chan and Fruitcake by the Eraserheads.

I love Fruitcake.The melody. The message and the wordings.

I can’t put together my thoughts coherently these past few days. All I think about is the coming of January and a refreshed version of me.

Aw.

Stories. And Heartbreaks. Adventures. And dreams.

I love dreams. And memories too.

To whom will I be sharing 2011 with?

Exciting as always.

exhaustion

I've learned that there are two kinds of exhaustion:

1.      the Good kind. Just like what you feel after a well-needed exercise, or after trekking the mountain trails for hours. You definitely feel tired and sweating, but you feel great, knowing that you leaked out fats and gained stamina etc. Also, you get the feeling of accomplishing something.

2.      and the Bad kind. It’s when you are not doing anything, but you suddenly get tired of everything that surrounds you. The people, things and events. They drain your energy and burn your heart. (this is what I exactly feel right now…)  >:

From now on, my other name is Tangerine "forever" Nanta.


bless you... :)

sleepiey

This is what I do when I'm listening to you..^^

M

 It's a shame, October ended with just one post.

Anyway, I can't think of anything sensible to post here. Too bad.

Let's just talk about the Korean Film Fest which ended today. (I didn't dare go)

The Korean Film Fest was kind of disappointing, I lined for the tickets thrice, but only watched one movie cuz there are so many people.

M (the movie I watched) wasn't that bad. The story might be cliched. Young-lovers-girls-dies-and-haunting-the-love-of-her-life-after-so-many-years is soo ordinary, it's just that the scenes were twisted, form present to past to future to the stone age.

The cinematography was genius anyway. I love. The colors and the angles. And the smoke! Whew! It's just that, they saturated the movie with lots of effects. I hated the comic/continuous stills effect (whatever you call that).

The piano background sounded familiar too me, and I love BoA's Mist (the movie's OST). It sounded old and reminiscent and sad.

Chiedemi se sono felice.

Last Saturday, I watched movies alone for the second time. No, they were not commercial movies showed in cinemas for around 200 bucks.

Watching free movies has proven to be one of my hobbies this year. Free international movies shown in either Shangri-La or UP are quite fun and exciting. The line up includes: Japanese, European, French, Brazilian, Taiwanese and on-going Italian.

And so I watched two Italian movies last Saturday (I was actually planning to see one, but to maximize my time and money spent for the fare, I decided to see another one).

Italian humor is quite good considering the first movie I’ve seen was comedy which was released in Italy in 2000. The movie was “Ask Me if I’m Happy” with Italian translation “Chiedemi se sono felice” I just love the sound of felice in my mouth. I want to say it over and over.

The story is about friendship and how reckless actions can ruin such relationship. The three guys, Aldo (which I think is the most handsome), Giacomo and Giovanni actually have the same names in real life and directed the movie as well. Cool!

I love all the parts that include biking, and the one where they played basketball with the round guards and broke the ear and nose of a saint statue. And I love their friendship and antics.

The second movie, “Stendhal Syndrome” (La Sindrome Di Stendhal) which was quite old, was kind of disturbing and just confused me. It was a 1996 movie directed by Dario Argento (if I remembered it right) and starred his own daughter Asia Argento, which in the movie was a policewoman and rape victim and eventually turned out to be a psychotic killer. I don’t know if they really spoke English or were just dubbed, but when I checked the internet some actors (the two main guys) did really appear in some Hollywood movies such as Once Upon A Time in Mexico and King Kong.

Stendhal syndrome by the way is a real disorder, where a person experiences rapid heartbeat, dizziness, fainting and hallucinations when exposed to magnificent artwork. Such experienced was first recorded by the writer Stendhal (Henri-Marie Beyle) while visiting a museum in Florence in 1817.

The lead character in the movie, Anna Manni, had the same experience which led her to the hand of the serial killer/rapist during a visit in the Uffizi Museum. The movie is kind of slow-paced for me, unlike most US thriller movies.

I love the background music though; the one that is played every time you know something is up. :)

September is almost over. And we just celebrated my sister's birthday for three days:

1.) Gala sa gateway. We're supposed to watch movie at Shang, pero di natuloy.
2.) Attend ng Feast and Sunday house celebration.
3.) Jollibee (pero di ako kasama)

this made my day...^^

The song "Kanlungan" is playing right now. And it never fails to stir in snippets of my happy yesterday.(The days you know that will never ever happen again.)

I'm not saying that I'll never be happy again tomorrow or the next month or in the far future.

In fact, I'm contentedly happy these days. As my present mantra goes like this:

Masaya na ko sa mga panahong ito. lahat ng kailangan ko ay nandito na: Pamilya, mga kaibigan, sweldo sa ATM, crush at pangarap.

Though these things may fail sometimes, still, being contented with what you have brings happiness.

And, back to my initial proposition, sadness hits you when you remember people who had been part of your life for a very short time and you know will never be again by your side because you are not only divided by oceans and mountains, but divided by years as well. The same laughter and happiness won't strike you again. You can never laugh and cry about the very same things. Some other humorous things might be there to meet you, but the old ones, they're gone forever, etched in your memory.

But how many memories can our 150-pound noggin handle?

In the next few years, I'll surely remember the happiness I feel right now, but will I still remember then the memories I have right now? Will they be overwritten?  Like the messages in your inbox?

The technology will fail us. We can't rely on twitter, or skype or even emails to continuously communicate with yesterday, hoping to hold on to the future. So the tangible and written reminders, I will keep.

very very strawvery. I won't forget that.


I hope.

So my daily verse now goes:

Masaya na ko sa mga panahong ito. lahat ng kailangan ko ay nandito na: Pamilya, mga kaibigan, sweldo sa ATM, crush, pangarap, at mga ala-ala.

Loneliness

A re-post from Ala Paredes's blog: ala's dos. I have the same thoughts too, and I'm just mesmerized how she managed to brilliantly put her mind into words. ^^

Spent the day in the city today and the I feel that the heaviness hanging over me loosened its choke hold a little. It helped that I was with one of my dearest friends in the world who is always such a kind, loving, accepting presence, and who makes me laugh over silly things.
Being alone too often is not good for people who easily fall into melancholy like me. It has been my disposition since birth. I’ve learned to accept it as a quirk of my character and it’s something I don’t take too seriously. Moods come and go.
But things can get out of hand.
Everyday, I do my freelance work in my house alone. I wake up to a quiet house. I eat lunch alone. At 3 PM, I go for my coffee break alone. I cook and eat dinner alone listening to the ticking of the clock. On Sundays I go out for my special Sunday lunch, alone.
I’m awake 6 hours earlier than the only person I live with. By the time he wakes up, I’m either out doing afternoon errands, or he needs to rush to work. By the time he gets home I’m asleep.
The only human voices I actually hear are the telemarketers trying to sell me carpet shampoos or solar energy or whatever.
Thing with loneliness is that it’s easy to reverse its effects when ingested in small doses. Call your friend. Go on Facebook. Send a text message.
But in large doses, it can really grind away at you. Dark thoughts prey on you. Small fears become big, paralyzing fears. You nit-pick. You doubt yourself at every turn. You become disoriented. Your self confidence starts eroding away. It becomes pretty easy to feel that there is no human warmth in your life. Only Twitter and Facebook and all the other silly things we use to numb ourselves and feel like we’re all close even though we never have real conversations.
Dramatic much? It happens when you’re alone all the time, and are predisposed to melancholy.
I’ve become dull, and overly serious, and my sense of humor doesn’t come out to play very often. I don’t laugh very often. Joy comes only occasionally, and in a faint drizzle. What do you laugh about when you’re alone all the time? And when you do start laughing when you’re alone, it means you’ve finally gone crazy.
Not good for my mental health. Maybe the isolated life of a freelancer isn’t for me. Or maybe I’ve been carrying around big questions and now that I’m alone all the time, I can no longer ignore them.

of Noel Cabangon and other matters...

September 20, as  Agriculture Usec. Bernadette Puyat said, is truly a landmark in the history of the Department.

That day, which seemed a normal day to other government offices, private companies, commuters and passersby(except for those celebrating their birthdays etc..)--was the day the DA Hymn was launched, and the event was graced by no other than the song's composer and lyricist, and a well-known activist--Noel Cabangon.

Incidentally, he formed Buklod, an activist folk-rock group, in the same year I was born. The group, composed of Noel Cabangon himself, Rom Dongeto, and Rene Boncocan, was always present in rallies and performed various songs that stirred the hearts of protesters. He even cited that it was a contradicting scene that he was performing inside a government agnecy, while years ago he was just in front of the Department of Agrarian Reform, perfroming activist songs such as the Bamboo-remake "Tatsulok" which had been a theme song of many activist groups during the last two decades.

I actually got introduced to his art when I heard his first commercially-released song "Kanlungan" during my highschool. It's cool for somebody like Noel Cabangon, a true-blue artist and patriot, to create something that will be part of the history. I just hoped he performed "Tatsulok" and "Kanlungan" that day, but "Mabuting Pilipino" and "Kahit Maputi na ang Buhok Ko" were not bad choices as well.

Here goes the lyrics of DA Hymn:

Si Goma ay napadaan

Napadaan si Goma. At kami'y napangiti. Click.

Waiting

Still, waiting overdue is unexciting.

You see, no matter how you think about a situation, unless you do something about it, nothing will change.

Act. Now. On your dreams. And other stuff you have to face.

Poems from my childhood

IF I KNEW YOU
Anonymous

If I knew you and you knew me,
If both of us could clearly see,
And with an inner sight divine,
The meaning of your heart and mine,
I'm sure that we would differ less,
And clasp our hands in friendliness;
Our thoughts would pleasantly agree,
If I knew you and you knew me.


LITTLE BY LITTLE
Anonymous

“Little by little,” an acorn said,
As it slowly sank in its mossy bed,
“I am improving every day,
Hidden deep in the earth away.”
Little by little, each day it grew;
Little by little, it sipped the dew;
Downward it sent out a thread-like root;
Up in the air sprung a tiny shoot.
Day after day, and year after year,
Little by little the leaves appear;
And the slender branches spread far and wide,
Till the mighty oak is the forest’s pride.

Far down in the depths of the dark blue sea,
An insect train work ceaselessly.
Grain by grain, they are building well,
Each one alone in its little cell.
Moment by moment, and day by day,
Never stopping to rest or to play,
Rocks upon rocks, they are rearing high,
Till the top looks out on the sunny sky.
The gentle wind and the balmy air,
Little by little, bring verdure there;
Till the summer sunbeams gayly smile
On the buds and the flowers of the coral isle.

“Little by little,” said a thoughtful boy,
“Moment by moment, I’ll well employ,
Learning a little every day,
And not spending all my time in play.
And still this rule in my mind shall dwell,
Whatever I do, I will do it well.
“Little by little, I’ll learn to know
The treasured wisdom of long ago;
And one of these days, perhaps, we’ll see
That the world will be the better for me”;
And do you not think that this simple plan
Made him a wise and useful man?


(Some of the parts in Little by Little are not included in my High School text book. I never knew the poem has these lines.)

These poems are so great...♥

Hey Christmas, are you coming soon?

Today’s the first day of September and every body’s gushing cuz Christmas is coming.

It’s normal that even on rainy days like these, when the first day of the –ber months has arrived, people will automatically disregard the weather condition and take time to breathe the air that is Christmas.

You’ll suddenly hear Christmas songs and TV segments will start featuring anything about Christmas—from decors, gift selection and preparation, food for parties and all sort of things related to “tis season to be jolly”.

Christmas’s core meaning for me is love. What else can it be? And with love there is forgiveness, care, patience, and every good thing you can think of—even chocolate.

Aside from the reminder that Christmas season has started today, many things are making me smile too, even though my face is attacked by nasty and swollen pimples these past few weeks.

I might have troubled heart from time to time, but I just can’t help but smile whenever good things associated with Christmas come by.

MerrY CHristMas!

The memory of you makes me smile. This universe is just so vast for us to meet again.

Huling hirit sa August. I'm finally leaving you!

Rainy days are just good ignitor of gloomy emotions. While I was in the jeepney few days ago, these thoughts crossed my mind. I hate the rainy season. Sometimes I love it though.

“Ang lungkot ng ganitong panahon. Seryoso. Sa pag-uwi mo habang may kaunting trapik at ambon, malungkot tumingin sa labas ng jeep. Nakikita mo ang mga dilaw na ilaw mula sa headlights at sunod-sunod na pagpatak ng mala-sinulid na ulan. Blurry. Tapos, sa loob ng isip mo ay puro malulungkot na bagay.

Para maiwasan, iisipin mo ang mga masasayang bagay na nangyari sa buhay mo, pero magdadala pa rin sila ng luha, dahil ang mga taong kasama mo sa mga panahong iyon ay wala na sa tabi mo.”

Kyusee is happy

Today is QC day. And I’m happy. Not only for the fact that I’d be free from office and day’s work, but remembering the city’s special day brings influx of memories from my childhood—good, bad and senseless ones.

I lived in the city for more than a decade before finding another love here in Rizal. (Well, I’m just starting to familiarize myself with this simple and tranquil suburban.) I spent my elementary and high school days in the city and half of my college years as well, which turned out to be a difficult yet thrilling transition.

I met a lot of friends there. And made some enemies, I guessed (whom I forgot, if I had). I trudged

Quezon Avenue on rainy days with my sister. I memorized the prices of goods in Hi-top. I practiced school activities in QC Memorial Circle, and even biked and played in its playground. A lot of things have changed and continue changing inside the big city. There are new landmarks, supermarkets and sprouting buildings of call centers and condominiums.

When I think about its old appeal to my young soul, I just miss the church in Examiner Street and the National Bookstore in Sct. Borromeo branch now with faded placard. I also miss Times Street where I lived most of my childhood days, now seems alien to me whenever I hear it mentioned on TV.

I even thought, I was destined to grow in West Triangle and become a journalist someday—as some of the streets are named after newspapers.

I made myself believed when I was in elementary that I’d be working in a broadsheet after I gave up the Accountant dream which was unfounded considering my dread with Math. But that dream too has ceased. I guess.

I know I want to write, but not to be called a journalist. Don’t get me wrong though. I love the profession; I still get a chill in my spine whenever I meet a journalist or even hear the word. I just feel for now that I just don’t belong to the classification.

I still want to write. I just haven’t found my voice yet, and I’m still figuring out where it would be coming from and where my message will be heading. This dream was born in QC. From my antagonistic and rebellious poems, school essays swimming in grammar blunders, elementary news articles, unfinished comics stories, and letters to my friends my dream of becoming a writer gradually grew.


Until now, I still hold on to this dream. And still holding on to the city that nurtured my mind and heart and soul. Long-lived Quezon City! Many more dreams will be born under your wings.

Things come and go.

I can't believe this! For the first time this year I'm having a financial problem, mainly because of two reasons: the turtle-paced government system and failure of technology. Ha-ha.

August, you're such a disaster. But, you're making this a challenge for me to move forward with bigger and stronger strides. Let's see then who's gonna win, then. pfft!

que sera sera

I thought I was over it.

I think what I wanted is an explanation, or a good-bye perhaps, not the usual bye (cause I hate it), but an omen that you're leaving. Or blurry words of parting.

I think, I had the sign but disregarded and denied it. So, if you're really determined (though I am not yet), I'd let it go.

I felt that you fooled me, but I think I'm just over-assuming.

It will take me days, or even months, but come 2011 and you're out of my mind. There will be times I will remember you, I know, but those times won't bring me tears or even sadness.

I just do not know if I'd smile at our vague memories.

dear love

Love,


Why are you so elusive?
I haven't even chased you,
but why dropping me bombs that would not even explode.
leave me alone, and get a life.

                                    xoxo,

                                   Cath

(Am I really affected? It's unusual for me to post status of my heartache. lol.
 I know. I know. I'd laugh about this in the future...^^)

Christmas

Christmas is coming in a few months! I'm not a bit excited but I thought of making a wish-list for Christmas gifts I want to receive:

a nice umbrella

a dependable flashlight

Nikon DSLR camera

a bmx

...and plane ticket to Germany.


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

err...

Can't find anything interesting around lately. Not until today.. though I feel idle most of the time.. A lot of things are keeping me motivated.

1.)My friend Mary Ann never tires to inspire me and keep me moving..=)

2.) Got my photos developed and scanned. All of them were not very great, but I'm satisfied anyway..I got some decent photos.yeah!^^

3.) I woke up and just felt this will be a wonderful week..

Aja!

Do I smell good luck and blessings?

It's bliss.

i'll die, so tomorrow, I'm free

I was depressed for about an hour or less. Now I have to move on. I can't let my self esteem and drive die down.


I know, I have a lot more to learn! I was careless all the time. Manny, I'll remember your words.

Good transition.

Right words choices.


and an attractive presentation.

A rewritten sentiment

I will remember you everyday of my life.

I will always listen to the songs that remind me of you.

I will look at the things that remind me of you.

In the midst of silence, I will remember your voice.

I will read your letter time and time again as if you're still talking to me.

Sooner or later I will move on from the drenching memories we shared. 

Details of your being will slowly fade too, in my mind. 

But you will always be part of my life. 

 

We will still laugh, and cry, and heave, and smile, but not together. 

We will continue to share the same sky, but tread different roads that are unlikely to meet. 

Still, I'm glad that for once our paths crossed and left a landmark that will take years to crumble. ♥

From Kate

I just got a letter from my friend few days ago. I feel a lot younger a gain. Her letters are like my vitamins and energy..

Finally A Stamp

While sending a package to my friend, I once asked the staff from PhilPost if I could buy a stamp for my package, but she gave me sticker instead, saying that it's the same.

...
...
Fastforward to June 6.

I had a song humming inside my head when I alighted the jeepney on my way to PhilPost in QC Hall this afternoon. Only I didn't know what song it was. Just I know it sounds happy.

I looked at the red and blue all caps PHILPOST banner and I could see a bright future...

Okay, I may sound overreacting,but it's how I feel whenever I send a letter to my friend in South Korea.

And today instead of the boring sticker. I got a stamp for my letter. It's bliss.


I walked away still hearing the happy hum inside my head.

IsJune a happy month?

Things are stirring up this month I think.

I'm full of anticipation of things that might come and go.

Let's see then. See you July!

A Day It Was

It was indeed a day.

I started the day with a lazy feeling, though I knew I needed to do a lot of things.

I originally planned to have my check up today, but I just didn’t know where to start. First, I didn’t know where clinic to go. And I didn’t know what to tell the doctor.

I was planning to have my digestion (stomach, whatever) checked. And my heart as well. (It has been numb for years) ha-ha.

I spent the whole morning surfing the net, organizing things etc. So, I wasn’t able to push through. I had to meet my friend too in the afternoon, and I couldn’t cancel it because I asked her to accompany me to have my films developed.

--

I still love underground. So I'll keep posting here. rock on!

ON 23

One hour before my birthday, I found myself at the back of a rushing tricycle. I loved back rides. But for my trip home, that wasn’t a wish. Imagine the tricycles in Batasan, not all but some of them, having no roofs for the back ride, and if you’re even more unfortunate you’ll find yourself sitting on the iron part, which makes your butt whir throughout the journey.




That night, though I sat on back ride, I was lucky, or should I say, not that unfortunate, for the tryke which I took didn’t have a roof, but I had to sit on a cushioned ride. Uhum… I’d certainly prefer that than the ironed seat with a roof. But, imagine my dread through out the trip. Well, I’ve never heard of trucks crushing down trykes in that part of QC, but if you were me, and could see vehicles along the road which are three to four times bigger than the one you’re riding, horrible thoughts would surely enter your head too…



I could imagine my head flying in the air and landing with a crisp crack if any of those vans, or buses, or trucks hits us. Ewww. Gory. But, though this thought trampled my head. I felt certain awe in seeing what was around me. The sky, and the stars it holds, and even the San Mateo bridge and river which were both tranquil.



That night, the wind wasn’t that cold... And it made me feel that really, summer is coming. The borderline, between Philippine winter (which is really not winter) and summer happens around my birthday. My month.



Well then, that was supposed to be an ordinary, every day trip of mine, but I knew if the clock strikes 12, then it’s good bye 22.

Sometimes life is like this--staring outside the window of the bus and feeling the strong breeze. The feeling is great but pollution downplays the situation. Most of the time, we really live a polluted life.. But it is easy to detoxify, as long as we are willing to change our acts.