when life goes on

For the past months this year, I have really been busy. In fact, I have not seen a lot of old friends for a long time.

Somehow, I don't feel that my life has been treading a dead end. My work isn't ideal. I have a family duty that has to be sustained in a few more months. Or maybe more.

Some of my friends have married/have children. I am single, but I don't have a booming career as a trophy to conceal this deficiency. When I try to look at my life in one angle, it isn't actually that great.

However, in the small corner of my life, things have been going to a positive direction, I guess. I have met a few personalities this year and the previous year who have inspired me directly and indirectly towards my goal in life.

I am slowly turning vegetarian. And that is an important goal. I have less needs and wants. But this does not mean that I am not living my life to the fullest.

Some people conceive incorrectly that when you become a vegetarian or do not get to travel a lot for leisure, is that you are wasting your youth.

First of all, vegetarianism is good for me. I need lesser foods. But more nutritious and favorable. I don't get to ward off diseases 100% by scrapping off meat in my diet, but at least I am taking care of my body that way, and the environment at the same time. It is not that I am sacrificing a lot, and will regret not trying out different foods when I get older.

Look at the older people. For sure they've tasted pork or beef or chicken dishes when they were younger, but they'd risk having high blood (or threat for their current disease) for the day when any of these meat is served. You have no escape. Your tongue will long for the taste.

So, why not scrap meat right now? The taste will haunt you if you try to linger.

Sometimes, I feel sad that I do not have enough money to help my family. Like buy stuff in the house or something. But somehow, I realize, it is alright that I am able to cook food for my family and share to them vegetarian dishes.

It is a problem on my part too to meet old friends who are not vegetarian, I want to share to them the benefits of eating meat-free with gentleness and in a-not-defensive-manner. But I feel left out just thinking about it.

I have friends who are vegetarians themselves and I am happy to get some ideas on cooking.  I always wish to share to my old friends the benefits of scrapping meat, but I am not a good speaker.  I do not want to be self-righteous, but sometimes the conversation gos on that direction.

Oh love songs

We try to listen to love songs from which we cannot relate and squeeze all the feeling of love we can get from the words and melody.

We want the pains of separation and the joys of short rendezvous. But the truth is the love we are looking for isn't here, yet it envelopes us. We are anxiously looking for the water to fill our thirst, but we only find empty cups.

I have been looking for you for millions of lifetimes, why do I still choose to live far from your love? Your gaze can simply wash all these pains away, so as all the worries, but I try to cherish the shards of broken glass instead of the diamonds you are offering.

Oh the rain is coming

Half of the year has already passed, and things that I have been waiting for have not unfolded yet. I think the mid-year often leaves one in the middle of the crossroads: whether to go on or not. But the reality is whether I move forward, back ward, or stay where I am, the world will still keep spinning.

I am not very afraid of what could happen in the future. Still, financial constraints, time constraints, education, and marriage (haha) bother me all at once or one after the other.

Yet, all I have to remember is to perform my rightful duties and remember that I am not entitled to the fruits of actions. Moreover, the season will pass, so as the pains and joys, failures, and victories.

Long Rides

*Re-post from deleted Tumblr blog. on Feb 1, 2013

Sometimes Most of the time it’s not the destination, but the journey itself.”

I don’t know a lot of people who would appreciate a long, hot, and windy ride in a bus.

When we think about traveling, the point is reaching the destination and doing all sorts of things you need to do—be it work or leisure. A destination holds a beautiful spot, an endless thread of activities, familiar faces, or people you would only meet the first time. A destination is a treasure in itself, but it means the end of something too.

I love arriving at an exciting destination (though I don’t get to travel that much), but I like long, smooth and sometimes bumpy ride too. Be it in the highway or a dusty dirt road. Rain or shine. With people I like or alone.

When I was in college I used to ride an old bus traveling to San Mateo-Ayala and vice versa. I would patiently wait for the brown bus in San Mateo going to my school in Manila and find a lonesome seat by the window. I didn’t own an mp3 back then and my only amusement is either drowning myself with the things I pass by or day dreams. Riding back then was a time for me to think. Think about my future and my past, and present too. It was the time for me to formulate plots on plans about urgent things I need to face which was mostly about finances and studies. It was a time for me to forget too, and just sew story about myself in some distant future without all the worries on my back. When I used to travel alone in a lonely bus, I’d cry when I needed to, likewise I pray.

It was liberating. But when I get nearer our house, it was a slow retreat for me to go back to my cage and forget about fictional sojourns. Of love stories that didn’t happen. And what could it have been after college.

I still love long rides now, but some things have changed. My journey is not only from home to school or vice versa. Also, not only a new place I needed to go to for a school project. Sometimes I need to tread an endless highway to face a job assignment. I may go on a journey too for leisure and vacation. Things have become more exciting and challenging. Still for me, there is sheer joy on passing by places I may never set my foot on.

An anticipation of what would come next. A journey in itself is life. And maybe, it’s a preparation too for a more important role we need to play in the universe.  

All the Years

**Some grammar errors may occur. Too tired to proofread now, I just want to write something. Will make corrections later. Some themes do not match, but I just want to write these.

Since 2008, when I started this blog, there have been a lot of things that showed up and went away along my path. That was only (or has already been) five years ago, and career-wise I have not upped so much.

It's a little sad sometimes especially when you hear people's comment about how you could have been better, to dress up more like your age, or to find a job that's more rewarding. (note: mom) But really, why do these things matter?

I sometimes plan to do something about these things, like maybe fix my hair a little, put on a little make up, or try to find another job on the Internet. But for the past two years and more, my attention was caught by something else. Something I know is very important, which I cannot miss in this lifetime.

I even have to give up a lot of meetings with old friends, just to be with new people I've met. But these people, even if I don't know their background, why they are here, what food they like, and the funny moments in their lives, they know who they are, and for some reason, I know them too. Along the way, I feel like we are all trying to gradually get rid of these temporary clothes we are wearing.

It has been a long journey. I hope this is the last one. Even if sometimes my old consciousness is dragging me back to the pits of human life, I still always want to remember my real purpose for crawling and walking along this Earth, and to beat it.

Along the way, pains try to urge me to give up and happiness makes me linger unnecessarily. But I have to realize that both these things are mere seasons in my life, and they need to pass. no reason to dwell on these.

Last year, I planned for things which should have come up at the beginning of the year, but didn't happen. Yet, it's okay, I'll just plan and let things unfold on its own depending on what I deserve. We all deserve something—whether it is good or bad. But in the end, one must hope to get out of the cycle and find their true love.